the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
