i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
