i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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