I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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