i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
