take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you made out with another girl for some wings
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
