Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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