in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
