The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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