escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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