Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sext me about skeletons
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
