I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just cropdusted the office
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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