Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
someone threw a dead crab at me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
