Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
