Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
