I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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