it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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