Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
