So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
