Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
