Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
