We won't sleep together?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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