I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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