Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize