Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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