drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
