There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize