I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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