You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
