During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize