You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
