I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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