If that was your dad, he is hot
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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