I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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