idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
