So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
