he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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