dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
