I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
