it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
