can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
