Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
