all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
