The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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