chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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