What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
