I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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