We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
