we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
