Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
