in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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