Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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