then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
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Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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