either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
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