No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
