so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
