she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
